“Have you ever heard the saying ‘If you stay a virgin for thirty years, you can become a wizard?’ Well, I only made it to twenty, so I guess I’ll just have to give up my dreams of having magical powers. Unfortunately, no, I didn’t have sex with anyone… I died.
“Yep, totally dead, without any hope of being resurrected. It wasn’t even a ‘cool’ death, like saving someone from getting hit by a truck, or getting shot while protecting a lover. Nope, just had a bit of bad luck…
“Okay, there are plenty of people out there who shave their testicles, it’s completely normal. Although, when you’re using scissors to just do a bit of ‘trimming’ out of laziness, I recommend that you be really fucking careful.
“I was in my bathroom, which was on the second floor of my townhouse and was barely even awake. Now, there are many occasions when I accidentally pinched or cut my scrotum a little bit, but that’s pretty standard. On that particular day though, I wasn’t expecting there to be an earthquake… Actually, it was the first time that I had ever even experienced one before. Unfortunately, it was also the last. I’m still trying to block out the thirty minutes of horrible agony, when the building collapsed and I was bleeding to death from castrating myself.
“So now, I’m really not sure what I’m supposed to be doing with my life. Well, it’s not like I had any amazing plans before now, but I would have preferred a bit more time. Like I mentioned before, I’m a twenty year old virgin. I haven’t even had sex yet! I’ve never even tried out a pocket-pussy!” I was floating aimlessly through some sort of empty void and talking to myself, because I guess that’s just what happens after you die with loads of regrets or unfulfilled desires?
“Shouldn’t there be some kinda Heaven right about now? I mean, I wasn’t a saint, but I was still ‘pure’, right?! I figured that the best thing about dying a virgin would be that I would receive some extra benefits in the afterlife! Is it true that I was a decade too young to become a wizard?! I should at least have gotten to be a regular mage! I’d settle for a perverted ghost who can possess people while they’re having sex! Is that really too much to ask for?!” It had been a while and I ‘may’ have been losing what was left of my sanity.
“No! I refuse to spend eternity in this shitty fucking hellhole of nothingness! I’d rather be in Hell, tormented by beautiful demons! Ravished by sexy succubi! Anally raped by a goddamn porcupine-monster than this meaningless emptiness!” I would like to point out that I was being sarcastic with that last remark…
Time was weird in that place. I couldn’t tell if it had been thousands of years or like, five minutes. Fortunately, I did eventually start to see some ‘stuff’. Honestly, it was more like garbage than anything else.
“Holy shit! What the fucking fuck is that?!” Okay, so I may have been a little surprised when I saw an endless amount of these ‘bubbles’. There were all sorts of different colors and sizes, though I had a hard time telling how big anything was, since I didn’t think even had a physical body at the time.
“Ah~! Shit-shit-shit-shit~!” As I crashed into the side of a bright-blue barrier, the sensation reminded me of that one time, when I chopped my balls off… Yeah, it wasn’t a particularly enjoyable experience.
I could easily see through those transparent barriers, though like I said, they were tinted various colors. Within the one that I was being pulled towards, there were dozens of gigantic scales, beaks, bones and even lots of raw meat from some kind of animal that had purple blood.
After feeling horrible agony for what seemed like an hour, I guess, I finally slid off the side of that bubble. Then I was still floating around aimlessly, without any way to control my movements, but at least I had a bunch of things to look at?
“Ugh, is it possible to get motion-sickness if you don’t have a stomach, or inner-ears?” Obviously, I was just being a little overdramatic. However, there really was a sense of ‘nausea’ as I drifted past the endless amounts of random stuff.
Some of those bubbles were tiny and only had a few pieces of jewelry in them, while others were so enormous, they actually contained entire planets. One of them had something that looked like the Solar System where I was originally from.
“I have the weirdest ghost boner right now…” A few of the strange orbs contained entirely intact corpses. There was everything from humans to giant lizard-people and sometimes, they were totally naked.
“Damn it! It’s not necrophilia if I’m dead too, right?! No~, stop moving~! Fuck! Why can’t I just stay a little longer~?!” Even if I didn’t have a dick, I still ‘felt’ horny every time I saw a vagina, asshole or even breasts at that point. It wasn’t so bad when I could watch some porn and masturbate, but being in a state where I had the mental sensation, yet no way to relieve it… I may have started to lose my mind a bit more.
You may be wondering “If you’re such a pervert, then how did you manage to remain a virgin for twenty years?!” Well, the answer to that question is quite simple… I never really left my house very often. When I was in High School I had braces, horrible acne and plenty of self-esteem problems that made me feel like I was always ‘hideous’. I was in pretty good shape too, it’s just that no matter what I did, I couldn’t get rid of my cystic acne. As I got older, I did eventually get my teeth straightened out properly and I was probably relatively attractive.
There was this one time when I had a short internet-relationship, where me and my ‘Guild Master’ sexted a lot. We even used to have webcam sex and share videos of each other masturbating… Unfortunately, she had a long-time boyfriend and she lived about three-thousand miles away from me, so that was about as far as our little ‘affair’ ever went. Besides, she was also doing the same shit with like three other guildies and it created a bunch of drama.
The point is that I was only twenty years old! I thought that I would have lots of time to find a ‘real’ girlfriend, maybe get married one day, have kids… or at least try out a goddamn robotic fuck-toy! But no, I had to die a pathetic virgin from cutting my own balls off!
As I was wallowing in ample quantities of self-pity and dejection, I saw something floating towards me in the distance. It looked like a really old Asian guy, wearing one of those golden Chinese man-dresses. He was constantly flipping around and seemed totally unable to control his body, yelling “This is bullshit! Grah~! Fuck your mother! Fuck your ancestors! Fuck your grandmother’s grandfather’s ghost! You shitty cocksuckers are gonna pay for this one day~! Do you really think that the great I, Legendary Celestial-God Cao Nima, will accept such an outrageous fate?! Ow~!”
“Hey, watch where you’re flying, you ugly bastard!” He slammed headfirst into what ‘seemed’ like my face, since it was the place where my vision stemmed from. Thus, I was able to get a clear view of every wrinkle, nose-hair and gross skin-tag on that dude’s face.
He appeared to be stunned and confused for a while, as he blankly stared at ‘me’. Those brown irises suddenly glowed bright-pink for a moment, as he quickly bowed and begged “This humble Legendary Primal-God, Cao Nima, pays his respects to senior! Please forgive this one for his foul language and rude behaviour earlier!”
I grumbled “Fuck my non-existent life! I’ve been floating around in this void for so long and the first person I meet is a disgusting old man with dementia!”
His face turned beet-red, as he actually spat out a mouthful of blood. It was really gross and I wanted to avoid the crimson vomit, but it splattered all over my ‘eyes’, clouding my vision temporarily. He immediately bowed again and complained “Exalted Senior, please quell your anger! It was not my intention to disrespect you, so please spare this insignificant Legendary Primal-God, Cao Nima!”
“Why do you keep saying that?! What is wrong with your brain?! Do you think I have Alzheimers?! Stop repeating your name and title every five seconds! Grah~! Actually, I have no idea how much time it’s been!” After screaming like a lunatic for a bit, I finally started to calm down and asked “Wait, wait, even if you do seem super-unreliable… Do you know where this hellish void is? Like, you’re old as shit, so you probably know some stuff, right? Also, don’t call me ‘Senior’, it’s really weird. I’m only twenty years old, or at least I was before I died… Who knows how long I’ve been in floating around for?”
That guy kept staring at me as if I was some kind of monster that was about to devour his soul, or something like that. It took him a while to stop trembling and cautiously answer “Perhaps Senior, ah~, I mean, Your Omnipotence! Perhaps the world you descended from was different from where I was… um, ‘banished’ from. We call this place The Chaotic Void. It is a place where even Legendary Primal-Gods like myself, Cao Nima, would never willingly enter. I fear that without some sort of… ‘intervention’, my insignificant life will soon vanish into oblivion. Even my Divine Spirit seems to be on the brink of being torn asunder! In the time it takes to brew a cup of tea, I will surely perish!”
I sighed dramatically, “So what exactly did you do to get ‘banished’ anyway? Ah, my name is Levi Ares by the way, though my friends call me Leviathan, the God of War! Hahahaha~, I’m just kidding, I don’t actually have any friends.”
He grimaced, as the veins in his eyes burst open and blood started oozing out of every orifice on his head. Even while enduring all of that, he still managed to roar “It was those motherfucking Righteous Seraphim assholes! They couldn’t defeat me, even with every expert in their entire Sect, so they tricked me into falling into The Chaotic Void! I swear that even if I need to go through ten-thousand cycles of reincarnation, I shall rape every angelic whore in that entire heaven-damned sect!”
Almost the moment he finished screaming his lungs out, his entire body exploded into millions of tiny frozen crimson crystals. They flew off in every direction and a decent amount of them smacked into my eyes and face. I unconsciously growled “Ow~, fuck, shit! Ew~! Wait a second, if I’m a ghost then why the hell are these gross old-man bits able to touch me?!”
At that moment, in the wake of his spontaneous detonation, a gigantic bubble appeared. Unlike the other few that I had smacked into, this particular barrier didn’t try to push me out. Instead, it actually seemed to suck me inside pretty forcefully…
“Woah~, this… what the fuck am I even looking at right now?!” There was an entire planet below me, which was totally pink. Clouds of purple smog wafted around in the atmosphere and there were several small moons that orbited the enormous gas giant. However, once I was inside, I was actually able to control where I went to a certain extent.
I casually floated around the planet several times, but quickly realized that it was actually rather small compared to ‘myself’. At least, I started to realize that I did have a physical form and it seemed absurdly large.
As one of those moons approached, I yelled “Holy cunt-sandwiches! I’m a motherfucking durgon?!” Yes, I know that the proper word is dragon, but I say it differently sometimes.
That planetoid had a metallic surface that was as reflective as a mirror and one of its sides was really flat, so I was able to get a decent look at myself. Now, I appeared a lot more like a generic green garden snake, with glowing red eyes. It would have been so much cooler if I had lots of awesome horns, some arms and legs, maybe wings… Unfortunately, I wasn’t quite that lucky.
Anyway, while being a giant monster is fun and all, there are some really major drawbacks. For example, I’m pretty sure that I didn’t have a dick or a pussy. Even if I wanted to slither up inside of some girl’s ass, I would first need to find one that was gargantuan enough for me to fit! More importantly, I don’t think that it would even feel that great for me! No, it would actually be really nasty.
There was a mansion on one of the planetoids that looked habitable. Green grass, some lakes of crystal-clear water, normal-ish trees, other various herbs and stuff. Overall, it was a pretty decent-looking place. I could see a bunch of really tiny corpses of beautiful human women sprawled out all over that courtyard. They didn’t seem like they were killed in a battle, but they were all bleeding from the eyes, nostrils, ears, mouth and just about every other orifice on their little bodies.
Now, in retrospect, I really wish I had figured out a way to grab that whole house and everything else. There was a shitload of treasure inside of it, but I’m not a fucking fortune teller, so how could I possibly have known what was going to happen in the future? At the time, I was a giant dragon, so everything just seemed like toys to me. I couldn’t even feel any sort of impressive or oppressive aura from… anything.
It was as if I were an indestructible, invincible, overpowered godlike being of awesomeness. After gazing longingly at the tiny mostly-naked corpses, for a few rotations of that moon around the gas giant, I finally lost interest.
Then I suddenly heard a deep voice echoing from within that massive planet. It whispered “Everyone has desires… Instinctive urges… The Seven Heavens and Hells are filled with both righteousness and corruption… All must follow a path, whether it leads to damnation or salvation… What do you seek? What do you crave more than anything else? To achieve anything, you must first possess the power… Once you have enough power, then you can alter fate, change destiny, break free of Karma’s grasp and create your own laws… The weak can only be devoured, raped and enslaved by the strong… That is the Eternal Dao of Domination.”
I floated over and poked my face into the side of the gigantic ball of purple gas and submerged my face into the creamy pink surface. Oddly enough, it was totally hollow and there was just a blank white room inside.
“What the fuck?! I’m back in a human body again!” When I looked down at my genitals, and the other less important things, I noticed that I seemed pretty similar to what I remember about my non-serpentine self. Pale skin, moderately muscular, hairy and my testicles hadn’t been removed.
The moment that I saw that blindingly gorgeous naked woman standing in front of me, I instantly lost control of my penis. She had small but perky breasts, sexy abs, absolutely no pubic hair covering her rather subtle labia and clit… Her face was totally blurred out for some reason, but that didn’t really matter anyway.
“Uh-hum~, nice to meet you, my name is Levi Ares… You were mentioning something about domination or rape, right? I’m totally fine with whatever you want to do to me, so go ahead, I’ll be your weak little puppy-slave… Whatever you want!” After dying, turning into a giant snake, floating around for a while and everything else that had happened, I was honestly starting to believe that I was just having a super-trippy dream. In which case, it was best to enjoy it as much as possible, right?
That mysterious lady giggled, before murmuring “For an Eternal Deity, you seem rather… weak. Your soul feels damaged… Interesting. If you continued to roam the Chaotic Void in your current state, you would lose all of your memories and… Hmmm, I could gain quite a bit of mana from consuming you. However, would it not be more entertaining to allow you a chance to return to your former glory?”
I smirked, asking “Are you sure you don’t have me confused with someone else? I’m pretty sure that my life was only mediocre at best… I never really accomplished anything worthwhile and my family probably died during the earthquake, so I doubt that anyone even mourned my death.”
She whispered “If you do not recall, then perhaps that is for the best. It will make the process of reforging your soul much easier if you cannot remember too many of your past lives. You say that you are willing to become my slave or pet in jest… I disdain the Dao of Domination. In fact, I become furious whenever I witness any sort of rape or slavery. Perhaps that was simply how my creators designed me to operate, but after spending so long administering the will of Karma… perhaps I have truly become the embodiment of salvation and damnation?”
“So~, what you’re saying is that you aren’t willing to take my virginity away? Wait, no, you’re talking about reincarnation! Does that mean that this is where you let me come back to life in some awesome fantasy world, with super-overpowered abilities compared to everyone else?! Ah, wait, can I like, choose? Can there be furries? What about elves and orcs? Cute little dwarves and goblins would be nice… Oh, should I pick male or female though? My first instinct is to be a guy again, but at the same time, sex usually feels way better if you have a vagina… At least that’s what all the studies show? On the other hand, in most of those stories, women get treated like garbage all the time, so I think it’s probably better to have a dick.” After listening to all of my obnoxious questions, that naked woman slowly walked forwards and gently caressed my face with both of her hands.
Then she quietly explained “Long ago, there was a young boy who was in a desperate situation… He was innocent, but desired the power to simply protect his family and himself. I bestowed upon him a Cultivation Method, which allowed him to grow to the point where he became a Legendary Primal Deity. However, he misused my gift… Oppressed those who were weaker than himself, raped women, enslaved many. He was too powerful for the people of that world to contend with, so they banished him to The Chaotic Void. I believe you have already met him, since this is the remnants of his Soul Realm.
“Your situation is different, yet you still possess a strong yearning and desire… I shall bestow upon you the same Cultivation Method and even grant you a new life. My only requirement is that you never allow yourself to become corrupted by the power that you attain. No matter how great the Eternal Dao of Domination may seem, I can promise you that the Will of Karma is far beyond what any Deity could ever hope to overcome.”
The Onion Junktion Publishing 
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